Returned to Me

“I believe that my life’s going to see the love I give returned to me.” - Wheel by John Mayer

As the year is winding down, I’ve been thinking a lot of about where I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going. It’s been a difficult decade on all fronts sometimes - professionally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. My only hope is that every bit of energy, effort, and love that I’ve poured into something will eventually be retuned to me even though I can’t see the return right now. Someday everything I’ve released into the world that’s meant for me will be returned.

Almost two years ago I traded my hour and fifteen minute commute for a much shorter drive when I returned to the place where I got my start in higher education. I guess sometimes even people return. In some ways, it felt a bit like going backwards at first. My career at my last institution had stalled, so I had to find a new path. I was nervous to do something outside of academic advising, because that was my life for so many years and most of my adult life. I wasn’t sure if I’d made the right decision, and I felt a bit lost. A few weeks in, I found a bit of confirmation.

When I left my first advising job nearly a decade ago, I gifted my college fridge to the office. I had no need for it anymore, so I didn’t see any reason to lug it out of there. I let it go and never really thought about it again. When I started my new position, my office was located in a vacant suite. I was the only person who regularly came into the office. On a whim, I decided to walk around the office suite to basically be nosy, and imagine my surprise when tucked away under a vacant desk was my old college fridge just hiding in plain sight. My new office is nowhere near the office where I left it, but it had found me. The fridge had clearly not been used in many years, but I moved into my office, cleaned it up, and plugged it in. It still works and now it stores my lunches and drinks.

Every time I look at it I’m reminded that even though it was a decade later, a small act of kindness that I released found it’s way back to me. So, I may not know where exactly I’m headed, but I’m confident that I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. And that’s good enough. What’s meant for me will be, so I’m not going to worry. I’m going to give this life my best shot and wait for the good to be returned.

Kimberly