Refocus and Revisit
Sunrise over Jacksonville, FL.
“it’s a beautiful time for new beginnings
Moving on, breaking free, and letting go.
…
What a beautiful day to remember
Who you were when you were young and naïve
Shooting for the moon
Strumming out of tune
Just a crazy kid born to believe.” - Hanson “The Gift of Tears” It’s an Isaac led song, which are my favorites. He’s always been my favorite Hanson brother.
I love beginnings. The beginning of the day, the month, the year, blank pages in a journal, the first day of new job, the first day of the semester. There’s just something hopeful about the beginning - it’s the closest thing to perfect because it hasn’t been touched or tried or tested yet. Beginnings aren’t forever, but I hold them for as long as I can.
Like every year, I had really high hopes for this year. My theme for this year is “2024 is my open door,” and like every year I made some goals at the beginning of the year. Here’s the brief list for review:
2024 Goals
Handwrite the book of Psalms and maybe Proverbs if time.
Post a new blog weekly.
Write more and share more and maybe get published.
Walk or run, but probably mostly walk 1024 kilometers.
Pass my graduate courses.
Read a book every two weeks.
Spend less, save more. Love the stuff I have or get rid of it.
Romanticize my own life, which for me just means to take in and appreciate that my life as messy and complicated and crazy as it can be is also quite beautiful and lovely.
Those SMART-ish goals were not overwhelming when I wrote them in January, but I have neglected every one of them. January Me didn’t know that my dad would have a stroke in February the same week I would have a final interview for a director position at my university. January Me didn’t know I’d have to submit a hardship withdrawal for my graduate course and take a break from classes. January Me didn’t know how many hours I’d spend in hospitals and on the road or that my my little red Prius would finally give up on me.
Sometimes, I want to give up, too.
The perfectionist in me says: “Why bother? You haven’t worked on a single goal since the end of January. Too much time has passed to catch up.” She was once the loudest voice I heard, but I learned to give myself the kind of grace I’ve always given others. I could give up completely, but instead I’m going to refocus and revise these goals to better fit this version of me, who is shouldering a lot of responsibility while her life has become a master class on resilience. I would just like my “A” please.
There are 228 days left in this year, so there’s still plenty of time, but not enough to complete the original goals I set. With the added responsibilities of my work and home life, I need to adjust my goals accordingly. I essentially chopped the goals in half to make them more attainable, but still respectable.
2024 Goals Adjusted
Put my health first. All the time in hospitals and the dismal reality of the American healthcare has motivated me to take better care of myself because literally no one else will. I have other reasons too, but that’s for a different post.
Handwrite at least 75 Psalms. I restarted this goal to keep them in a notebook instead of loose leaf paper. The notebook just makes me happy.
Read 5-10 pages each day. My reading goal is about having a reading habit than the number of books, so this is a daily attainable goal.
Spend 10 minutes writing each day. Like the reading goal, this is about creating a habit, and it’s flexible enough to fit in anywhere.
Walk 500 kilometers. I’ve walked 73 km this year, so I have 427 to go, which is less than 2 km per day.
Romanticize my life. There’s a lot of stuff on fire in my life, but there are worse things. At least I’m always warm. And I have a lot of love and support from the people in my life.
As a small confession, perfectionism kept me from publishing this as intended on May 1 also all day today, but better late than never.
Kimberly
PS - On repeat in my Spotify is Andy Grammar, whose music is super positive and upbeat. My personal favorites are “Lease on Life,” “Diamond in the Sun,” and “She’d Say.”
